Nothing Sticks to a Clean Heart

We had our pastoral staff retreat the last couple days. We were in the small tourist town of Leavenworth, WA. It is decorated in Bavarian style with small shops everywhere. The weather was crazy hot: 101 the first day and 90-something and rainy the second day. The focus of the sessions was the heart. Pastor Troy spoke on keeping our hearts right. It was a lot of fun, we went on hayrides with a snarky driver and even took group square-dancing lessons (I threw a little Robot-fusion in just to keep it real).

I really had an opportunity to practice what we had learned in the sessions as I had a reason to become very offended. Even though I knew that there was probably no malice intended, I was hurt. When you are new in a place, it is easy to feel like an outsider. When you have no history somewhere, it's easy to feel like you don't belong.

Here is the thing; I heard someone once say that "Nothing sticks to a clean heart." Clearly there was a heart issue I needed to deal with. It was my insecurity. The root of insecurity is pride. The pride that needs acceptance from people, that cares what other people think about me.

So I had to work through it. I knew that if I didn't, bitterness would eat me alive. I had to deal with my pre-disposition toward feeling like any time I am not included, I am being rejected which is of course, not true. I spent a couple hours brooding and moping and trying to sort things out in my head. I got over it. I came to the realization that I could have changed things and it really wasn't that big of a deal.

You might wonder "If you are so insecure, is it hard to get up on stage and lead people in worship every week?" The answer, oddly, is "No". By nothing but the grace of God the answer is "No". When I'm worshiping, I am in my sweet spot. It's what I was made to do. I need to learn to walk in the security that comes from knowing that I am accepted as a son of God. I need to walk around with a clean heart.