Groups at the Game

I got to go to a Mariners game last night. My sister got some tickets through her work and gave them to me for a belated birthday present. My wife and I went and enjoyed an evening without kids which was a long time coming. Baseball games are fun but the Mariners are bad so I had to occupy myself in creative ways during the game. One way is to notice people. We have been to 4 games at Safeco field and there are always certain groups of people that also attend the games and somehow always end up sitting by us. This is a brief description of some of them.


Group 1: Rooting For The Other Team Guy, or RFTOTG. This individual usually has a smug look on their face and the visiting team's colors on their dome. As if that wasn't enough, RFTOTG has to say obnoxious things like "Let's go Nick", like the rest of us are going to believe he is on a first name basis with these players and cheer loudly when the other team does something good. Bro, you're in the third deck, they can't hear you.


Group 2: Chatty Folk. Chatty Folk come in 2 subgroups; baseball educated, and social chatters. Baseball educated folk always bring someone with them who has apparently never heard of the game before and they spend the entire game explaining the finer points like "That is a baseball and that is called a field." A necessarily evil I suppose for the furtherance of the game. Social chatters seem like they know a lot about the game but spend absolutely zero time discussing and/or watching the game. They are more interested in sharing details on anything from their job to their health problems. One time, there was a couple behind us, apparently on a date, and the guy was talking about completely inappropriate bowel issues he was having. Seriously.


Group 3: Group People. these folks get group discount tickets and arrive in herds, normally in the nosebleed section. They are the ones making entirely too much noise when nothing is actually happening. These folk are the ones responsible for attempting to start "the wave" 87% of the time. (By the way, just say no to the wave.)


Group 4: Arrive Late, Leave Early People. ALLEPs attend so many games that they know the names of the ball boy and they say things like "Billy looks a little slow tonight. I'll bet he had a hot pocket for dinner again." They show up right after you mention to whomever you came with that you are glad no one is sitting in the seats in front of you. Right around the 2nd or 3rd inning. These people are usually cool and will talk to you about the game if you want. They are very familiar with ballpark etiquette. Generally they will get bored by the end of the 6th and start discussing the idea of leaving. By the 8th they are up and out of there. I kind of like ALLEPs.


Group 5: A Few Too Many Before The Game Even Starts Guy. This guy, well, we've all seen this guy in public. A good talking to by the Alcohol Enforcement officer and he will calm down a little.


I hope that prepares you in the event you get out to a game. There are a few more groups that regularly attend games and hopefully I will be able to post about them the next time my sister gets some tickets.