Song titles into Christianese

I was thinking of some old song titles and how they would translate into Christianese.

You Shook me all Night Long:
What the tambourine said to the worship leader's wife after the youth worship shut-in.

Cashmere:
What the worship leader's V-neck argyle sweater is made of.

Jump:
The only acceptable form of dancing in the church.

Panama:
Where the short term missions trip was this year.

Smoke on the Water:
What happened when the fog machine fell into the baptismal.

Love Potion #9:
What's really in those bottles of oil at the altar.

Twist and Shout:
How you get into the 1 suit you own when you visit your grandparents church.

Purple Haze:
What you're pretty sure you saw coming from the fog maching after they fished it out of the baptismal.

Stairway to Heaven:
That stairway to the balcony that always has the "Closed" sign hanging from a rope across the stairs.

Where the Streets Have No Name:
The city where the church is that you are trying to find.

Man in the Mirror:
The guy in the bathroom who takes forever to wash his hands thus blocking everyone else from washing their hands. (I don't really have a problem with this guy cause at least he washes right?)

Danger Zone:
5 foot perimeter around any and all refreshments for the adult Sunday School class. As in, "Stay away from our donuts punk, don't think I don't see you there in the danger zone!"


I'm sure I will continue this list in the future. Thoughs? Suggestions?